6 weeks to launch: why do some influencers get bullied and others don't?
My message to anyone sharing online: be careful what you share
Welcome to my book launch series, where I dive into a pervasive topic from my book each week leading up to pub date (08/12/25).
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Why do some influencers get bullied and others don't?
Last week, 30-year-old wildlife rescue influencer Mikayla Raines died by suicide. As soon as I saw the words “snark,” “subreddit,” and “cyberbullying,” I knew what had happened.
I know what it’s like to have bullies, and what it’s like for online hate to be so relentless you can’t escape it.
Mikayla’s death is a worst-case scenario, but not a rare one, and I don’t think tragedies like hers will stop until real legislation is in place. In the weeks before her death, the cyberbullying and targeted harassment from her peers in the pet rescue community intensified.
We can acknowledge that being online and visible always comes with risk. But there’s a fine line between thoughtful critique and targeted harassment, hate-stalking, or organized snark.
We have laws for in-person stalking. Why don’t we have any for the online version, which can be just as scary, and just as deadly?
One of my bullies tried to get sponsors to drop me—unsuccessfully. I think my recovery and shift away from wellness content triggered her. Maybe in her mind, we were “ED sisters,” and I’d broken the pact. She’d projected onto me like a kind of maternal figure, and when I changed, it disrupted the relationship she’d imagined. That’s the danger of parasocial attachment: people feel abandoned when you evolve.
I think certain influencers (like me in the past) attracted unhealthy followers because they themselves were not in a great place.
I’ve done a lot of work to shed those types of followers. We were all in a codependent relationship. That kind of dynamic creates fertile ground for bullying. I know I’m healthier now, and I truly wish my past bullies inner peace so that they can stop harming others.
The scariest thing was, this was a grown woman with a corporate job and adult friendships.
The Cut recently interviewed five self-identified snarkers, and their reasons ranged from boredom to burnout. To them, it’s just harmless gossip and community.
If their target is grounded and has strong boundaries, the words might bounce off. But too often, the target is someone hanging on by a thread. And it’s not just Mikayla—it’s Hana Kimura, Amanda Todd, August Ames, Bel López, Dolly Everett, Megan Meier, and Rehtaeh Parsons.
These are not outliers. They are warnings. The cruelty people spew online has devastating consequences.
My bully was a woman about my age. She went so far that my legal team asked if I wanted to take legal action. I had them draft one, but I later decided not to, as I was worried it’d stoke the fire. At that point, she followed me everywhere digitally, from listings I posted on Depop to YouTube to Instagram and my blog. The moment I’d post something, she’d respond. She hounded me like it was her full-time job. I’m fairly certain she was active in the influencer snark forums on Reddit. Her comments would pop up immediately, then her little crew would like, reply, and pile on.
I’d never met this woman. I’d never spoken to her. I’d never given her a moment of my day, but she was hyperfixated and couldn’t stop.
Why is it that some influencers get bullied when others seem to coast by untouched? I think it’s tied to how much the influencer invests emotionally, both directly and indirectly, and how the audience projects onto them. It also matters how influencers react. If you see your haters as helpful to your brand (they draw engagement and comments; they rarely go after people who aren’t successful), you’re in the clear.
But influencers who share openly, especially about mental health, recovery, or personal struggles, often become lightning rods. Their vulnerability is mistaken for weakness or weaponized against them. Meanwhile, those who keep things cool, curated, and ironic are often spared, as there’s nothing for the crowd to grip onto.
Perceived privilege plays a huge role, too. If you’re thin, attractive, or successful, you may be likely to become a target. Right now, it’s cool to not care and be lassez-faire about stuff, but eventually, culture could shift and those women could become targets too. The subtext becomes: Who does she think she is? Some people punish confidence in women, especially when it’s not wrapped in self-deprecation. I don’t see male influencers get bullied.
And then there’s timing. One post can hit the wrong nerve, land in a snark forum, or get picked up by someone with influence, and suddenly, you’re a sport. A spectacle. A punching bag. The influencer becomes a mirror, and when that reflection no longer serves the follower’s fantasy, the betrayal is felt deeply and irrationally. It’s parasocial rage.
Some of the most bullied influencers I know are the ones who care the most. Who tried the hardest. Who shared their healing in real time. That doesn’t make them perfect. But it’s just tragic, absolutely tragic. You need a thick skin in this industry. I’m grateful for my experience. It shaped me for the better and it woke me up from my naïveté.
But some people, like Mikayla, aren’t so lucky. She is in my thoughts and prayers, as are all victims of bullying.
Stay safe out there, everyone, and please, if you or someone you know is struggling, Help is available. Please reach out.
📞 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Call or text 988 anytime, 24/7
Free and confidential support for people in distress or crisis
Behind-the-scenes insights from the after-book era (for paid subscribers only).
In the next few paragraphs, I share deeper reflections like what it cost me to come back too soon, what I’d say if I saw my troll in real life today, and why speaking publicly about recovery made me a target.